to my forever baby brother,

it's my last day here - it makes me sad thinking that i'll be away from everyone and everything i love. but i just had to do one last thing - no, not go out with friends if that's what you think. and it's not to watch my favorite ballet dvd's you hate either. it's just that.. i didn't want to leave with you thinking and feeling i don't love you. i didn't want to leave with you not feeling loved.. by me.

i know i've been a very masungit and impatient ate. but hey, we've had our good times too. i know i hate it when you make lambing - give me a surprise hug or back rub... but hey, it's only because i don't feel i deserve them from you... being the arrogant ate i think i've been. i don't think i can return to you the amount of care you give to me. i know you always just remember our younger years. when i was 7 and you were 4. when we were both in rosemont and i'd get mad at the boy who bullied you. i remember pointing my finger at him and making him cry. i don't know why i've lost that channel of affection to give or show you. i'm sorry.

everytime you ask my help for your homework, i'm flattered. i try to be patient, i try to understand your needs, but i dont know. im just so short-tempered. like you always say, mana nga ako kay mama. i feel ashamed when you are so kind to me and i hardly return it. just yesterday you saw how tired i was from a whole day's rehearsals, and you willingly made my bed for me to sleep in. i had no words come out of my mouth. how can you be so caring and loving to me when im not like that to you?

im sorry. i really am. if i could rewind the past years, i'd control my temper and be as patient and sympathetic. but hey, i always remember you when i do the groceries right? i never forget to bring you home your favorite kitkat white - one for you, one for me and we always eat it together. i will never forget and will always be thankful for our late night kwentuhans in the room before we sleep. we'd turn the lights off and make kwentuhan until we fell asleep. we'd talk about anything and everything. you'd open up about your friends, your love life. and id do the same. sometimes we'd hurt our stomachs laughing our heads off remembering the punch lines from rush hour or the silly anecdotes of mama. we're partners in crime always laughing at mama; making fun of her. but hey, that's our lambing... right? we're partners in crime in disobeying house rules - the 15-min only phone calls, the 30-mins only on the internet, the no chatting while doing work, the no watching tv on school days. hahahaha! we've gone agasint them all... plenty of times.. huh?

i appreciate you bearing with my never-ending kwentos about my friends, about boys, about problems. sometimes i feel you're the older one. sometimes i feel i have two kuyas tuloy. two kuyas i can run to and talk to anytime anywhere. you always have time for me... ALWAYS. and i am more than thankful for that.

if anything, you've been the most unconditional loving brother. anyone would want a brother like you.. im sure of that! my friends scold me for being so mean to you.. but, i dont mean to be mean. im sorry. if anything, you've been a kuya to me. i always keep your insights in my mind and try to reflect on your advice to me. if anything, you've been my best friend. although i hardly ever show it, you have been and will always be. i know you get jealous of my friends sometimes, but you'll always be more important than them. remember, blood will always be thicker than water. thanks for always standing up for me. for always showing you love me despite how mean ive been. thank you for not telling on me. for always getting mad at me when i make takas. thanks for being my friend. my brother.

again.. im sorry. but know that i will always be that 7 year old ate who will stand up to anyone who bullies you. know that i will always be that ate who will listen and suffer with you. know that i will always be that ate who will hate that girl who broke your heart. know that i will always be your ate. and i will always love you.

love you, tsong! you will always be my baby brother. =)